I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
