The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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