Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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