You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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