The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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