took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
