I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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