Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
