Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize