Pappa wants mamma naked
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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