shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
