I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
