The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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