Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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