I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
