My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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