Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
