I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
