If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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