I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
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i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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