Your dad touched me again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
