The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
