The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
