Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
