She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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