it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize