i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
