i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
being pregnant is like rehab
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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