My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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