weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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