I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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