i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
