Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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