Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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