apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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