OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
