i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
birth control should be required to get into college
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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