everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I will pee on everything he values.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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