My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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