Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
