I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
