Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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