it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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