You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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