just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
