WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
