is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
