Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
