You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
