How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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