I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
