if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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