Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
