could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Alive.
So much puke
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
