I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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