I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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