theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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