reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
