I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
