I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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