i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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