Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
