I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
