We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
