Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My pussy is not your playground.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
